彷徨うたぬきの日記

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今何やってんの？
うう、書けない…。書きたいという意欲が、書くのがツライというのを上回りません。変に考えて書いたのがマズイ経験となって蓄積してしまいました。
とりあえず、書きたくなるようなネタを煮詰める事に注力したいと思います。


PROFILE
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名前 ： ﾐﾐ�ﾐ窶墟ｲﾐび墟ﾂﾐ｡窶｢ﾐﾐ�ﾐｲﾐび厰陳ｬﾐﾐ社｡窶慴ﾐ�ﾐ窶墟｡邃｢ﾐﾂﾐｲﾐつｦﾐﾐ�ﾐ窶墟｡邃｢ﾐﾂﾐ｡邃｢ﾐﾐ�ﾐ窶墟｡邃｢ﾐ窶厰陳ｫ
趣味 ： 文章書き
分類 ： ネジガユ類ナンデス科パクパクモグ目タブンヒト
身体 ： 網膜色素変性症による弱視・視野狭窄(前方５度程度)・色覚異常・夜盲あり。手帳は視覚障害２級。
精神 ： 自己診断ですが、どうやら広汎性発達障害のようでして…
備考 ： 現在NEET。いや、文章書く修行中なのでトレーニングはしてることになるかも。じゃあNEEで。ネー！
愛飲 ： 白湯。

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<< 2006年2月の記事 >>

う…わああん

　かーけなーいよー、違う書こうと出来ないよーーー。
　なんて言うか、眠くなる直前の数分ぐらいしか向かい合えない…。それまではｈちあすら逃げようとする。
　意識レベルが低下するとそういった逃げたい気持ちが薄らぐので楽になるんだけど…。これってどういうことなんだろう。意識が逃げようとしつつ書こうとしてて…。ジレンマの結果として書くのを止めるという行動にも至らず、だらだらと悩み続ける感じ。
　なんでこう、逃げるんだろう。なんていうか、向かうエネルギーが足りない…時もあるし、そうじゃないときもある。何がそんなに嫌なんだろう？書いて、それが出来上がっていくのを確認するのは楽しいことだし、書いたっていう達成感もいい。書こうとしている段階であれこれ表現の試行錯誤やらリズム取りなんかするのも面白い。でもそれに痴有るまでに逃げようとする…。
　確かに昔から、学校の勉強（予習復習とか宿題とか）なんか、なんでみんなそんなに平然と取り組めるのか分からなかった。出来ないわけじゃないえｋど、やりたくなくて…。そのくせ、自分が楽しいと思っているものは、その感覚が続く限り異常なまでにのめり込むし。
　わかんない…なんで逃げるんだろう…。

by ﾐﾐ�ﾐ窶墟ｲﾐび墟ﾂﾐ｡窶｢ﾐﾐ�ﾐｲﾐび厰陳ｬﾐﾐ社｡窶慴ﾐ�ﾐ窶墟｡邃｢ﾐﾂﾐｲﾐつｦﾐﾐ�ﾐ窶墟｡邃｢ﾐﾂﾐ｡邃｢ﾐﾐ�ﾐ窶墟｡邃｢ﾐ窶厰陳ｫ │2006/02/27 01:49 │ │Comment(0) │Trackback(144)
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http://www.y-tanuki.sakura.ne.jp/cgi/blog/tb.cgi/150

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